Festivus For The Rest Of Us

My holiday spirit was changed over a decade ago by a concept brought to me by the twisted minds of Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. It was a holiday episode of the television program they created,“Seinfeld,” in which  the characters decide to celebrate a made-up holiday.
That holiday is called Festivus.
For years I’ve tried to get my friends in the Festivus mood. I would explain that instead of a Christmas tree, there would be an aluminum pole (tinsel is rather distracting), the airing of grievances, and to cap it off, the feats of strength.
And for those many years, my friends would snicker and decline. They wanted their trees and lights and holiday music that drive me crazy (working retail in a mall for many years tends to tarnish Christmas for people like myself). They thought I was weird.
Festivus is a holiday for those of us tired of the rigmarole of the stress-inducing Christmas shopping, playing public relations niceties with family members and dressing up nicely for photos.
No, Festivus is for the rest of us!
So I was delighted when I explained the magic of Festivus to another Daily Globe newbie, Daniel Kerwin, and he showed interest in this peculiar holiday. I think it may be that he’s traveled the world and plays a goofy sport called “Australian Football” that helped as well.
He said he would celebrate Festivus with me. It was a Festivus miracle! He was so interested he had to look up the holiday on the Internet the other night. In fact, I was as shocked as he when we saw websites selling Festivus aluminum poles. I no longer felt alone in this work-a-day world. Other people enjoy Festivus as well.
  So, tonight Daniel and I will eat a big meal by the aluminum pole. The pole will not be decorated. It is amazing in its simplicity and cheapness. It’s not there to dazzle, it’s there to not dazzle. 
Then we will commence the airing of grievances. This is where we tell one another how they have let us down for the past year. The only problem is that Daniel and I have only known each other for three months. We’ll figure it out.
Then, after the meal, we will have the feats of strength. This is where we fight each other until one of us is pinned and gives up. Having seen clips of “Australian Football” I am worried about my safety.
But it goes with the territory. If you’re going to do something, you have to do it right.